Pick a reality love show and you will hear these words, “I just don’t feel it, so I can’t commit to this relationship.” What feeling is that person seeking? Happiness, friendship, physical attraction, love?

As a firefighter you must take actions every day to be ready to respond, actions to resolve the emergency and save lives and property, and simultaneously actions to keep you and your fellow firefighters safe in very dangerous circumstances. The feeling of knowing you were able to effectively help someone only comes after ALL of the actions you take.

If you expect a person to bring you happiness you are putting gigantic, unhealthy expectations on an imperfect human being. A friendship and romantic love are both relationships that require work, commitment, and the ability to forgive. Attraction or chemistry is mostly physical attraction or some form of sexual desire.

So why is it we so often want to feel a certain way before we take action? Have you felt accomplished before you met the goal, so then you pushed and achieved the goal? Not me!

I have seen many people who are waiting on a “feeling” to fall out of the sky on them. I call it waiting on the “Feeling Fairy” to hit them with a feeling stick. That is a trap that does not yield results.

Feelings follow action not the reverse. It is when we figure out what our goal is and identify the actions, and take action that progress is possible.

The formula I strive to live by is; consistent effort over time equals results. This works in any area, relationships, exercise, diet, career, etc.

QUESTIONS

Q: What is a specific goal for my relationship with my spouse?

Q: What are actions I need to take to achieve that goal?

Q: Does my goal contain the key components for a path to achieving the goal (Measurable, Attainable, Personal, Specific)?

CALL TO ACTION

Take the first step this week and write out a CLEAR goal for your relationship.

BONUS ACTIONS

Take one action a day for the next week.

Go fan the fire!