Month: April 2024

Where are you looking?

One of the calls I responded to hundreds if not thousands of times as a firefighter was vehicle crashes. Many of them were the result of impaired driving, distracted driving, and often speed.

During college football season, I saw a funny insurance commercial about tailgating at a football game. The driver of a vehicle was too busy looking at the guy riding close on his rear bumper and ends up running into the pickup truck in front of him.

In your relationship with your spouse are you looking behind you at the past or looking ahead? When you have a disagreement do you bring up things from the past? Stop keeping score, forgive and own your actions and decisions.

QUESTIONS

Q: Do I keep score in our relationship?

Q: Is there anything I need to forgive or be forgiven for?

Q : Do I want to be right anytime we have a conflict or disagreement?

Photo: The view behind me in heavy traffic on a trip.

CALL TO ACTION

Stay aware and alert to not bring up things from the past the next time you and your spouse have a disagreement. If there are unresolved issues from the past, have the courage to talk about them NOW seasoned with love, mercy, patience, grace and forgiveness.

Go Fan That Fire!

Love Languages

What makes your spouse feel loved? And what makes you feel loved? Those are two very important questions we need to all be continuously learning, exploring, and expressing in our marriage.

One of the best books about what makes us feel loved is by Gary Chapman. It is simply called, “The Five Love Languages”. I read it several years ago, have re-read it a few times, and it is just as relevant and helpful today.

The five primary love languages Gary identifies are:

  • Words of affirmation
  • Quality time
  • Receiving gifts
  • Acts of service
  • Physical touch

Words of affirmation are simply words that encourage, are kind or express forgiveness.

Quality time is time together with focus on each other or just good communications with clear messages and understanding each other.

Receiving gifts is also straight forward. The gift should be something the person receiving likes and not necessarily something you like. Take time and think about what gift would mean a lot or would make them happy. Sometimes it can even be the gift of self. Being there when your spouse needs you speaks loudly.

Acts of service require thoughtfulness, effort, energy and time which is what makes the impact on their heart. It means doing something you know your spouse would like you to do without being asked to do it.

Physical touch can be anything from hand holding, to a back rub, to sexual intimacy.

QUESTIONS

Q: What is your spouses primary two or three love languages?

Q: How do you know and are you sure?

Q: What are your primary love languages?

CALL TO ACTION

Talk together about what makes you feel loved using this blog info, or even better, you and your spouse take the self test attached (click on the link below) and talk about it.

Go Fan that Fire!

LOVE LANGUAGE SELF TEST

Here is a link to a self test to download to help you better identify you and your spouses love languages: https://nbcgutah.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/5.LoveLanguageTest.pdf

Coms are Key

Effective communications for firefighters operating on an emergency scene is key to both our safety and effectiveness. There are many variables with communications; the method, the language, ability to hear communications, and most importantly the ability to understand and be understood.

For many years signal numbers were used, like “10-97”meant you had arrived on the scene, “10-6” meant you were busy, and “10-9” meant you needed the radio traffic repeated. There were many, many more signals used and they varied from department to department and region to region.

Portable radios used for communications in exercises and training.

Going from codes to plain language is one way we changed our communications to assure more effective communications on the emergency scene. How effective is communications between you and your spouse? It is a critical part of your relationship.

Are you speaking plain language with your spouse? Next time you and your spouse talk, pay close attention to what is said, tone, volume, body language, and the ratio of listening to speaking.

QUESTIONS

Q: Are you making assumptions in your communications when you listen and speak? (Bad idea)

Q: Do you listen more than you talk?

Q: Are you wanting your spouse to read your mind?

Q: Is communications simple and clear and do both of you offer feedback to check in about what you think you heard your spouse say?

CALL TO ACTION

Use the above questions this week each time you talk with your spouse and raise your awareness about opportunities to improve communications in your relationship.

Go Fan that Fire!

8 Things to do Everyday

I heard something impactful last week on social media that is simple, clear and concise. It is something I now use and has practical application in life. It definitely has application to our marriage relationship. So here are the 8 actions we need to take each day with some minor revisions:

  • No more complaining, instead focus on finding solutions and making things better.
  • Skip the blame game, taking responsibility for your actions is how you learn and grow.
  • Stay calm, skip the arguments. Talk it out and find common ground.
  • Stay humble, skip the bragging. Your actions speak volumes about you and staying humble earns respect.
  • Calm conversations, no yelling. Attacking verbally results in defensiveness and hurt not good communications or better relationships.
  • Learn to listen, talk later. Listen more than you talk. Seek to understand before sharing your thoughts.
  • Be kind, skip the judging. Put yourself in others shoes, it will help build empathy and better relationships.
  • Stick to the truth, skip the lies. Honesty builds trust, and without trust there is no relationship.

QUESTIONS

Q: Which items represent your biggest challenge? No one is perfect but each of us can grow when we live intentionally.

Q: Which items are you already doing regularly? You should feel good about these areas.

CALL TO ACTION

Write these 8 actions down on a piece of paper, an index card, or as a note on your phone and read them every day first thing and last thing before you go to bed for the month of April. Hold yourself accountable and reward yourself when you follow through.

Go fan that fire!