Tag: Love

The Enemy

One key to being effective as a firefighter is knowing the enemy….fire. How it starts, behaves, progresses, travels, etc. How chemicals react with it, and especially what extinguishing agents are most effective in fighting fires.

One example of knowing the enemy of fire is magnesium fires. Firefighters could face this type fire with vehicles, tractor trailers and storage in buildings. If firefighters apply water on a magnesium fire the results will be violent and the fire will not go out.

There are many enemies of marriage, but the biggest is the devil. We need our eyes wide open and we need to know this enemy of our marriage.

  • 1 Peter 5:8 says, “be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.”
  • John 8:44 describes satan as “a liar”.
  • 2 Corinthians 11:4 warns us that he, “disguises himself as an angel of light”.
  • John 10:10 uses the words, “steal, kill, destroy” describing the devil.

The verse in 1 Peter 5 describes the devil as a lion. Lions typically hunt when it is dark in dense cover so their prey can’t see the attack coming. The prey that typically get devoured by lions are alone. The lion’s charge is generally launched directly at the prey and it rarely alters the path of attack. It is also worth noting that the lion’s heart and lungs are small so they do not have the ability to sustain a long chase to catch their prey.

So what do we do? I offer three actionable items for you to consider in guarding your marriage from the devil’s attacks.

  • Stay alert and aware. Remember how verse 8 in 1 Peter 5 started, “be sober-minded; be watchful…”
  • Seek God through daily prayer, quiet time and Bible study. James 4:7 says, “Submit yourselves, then to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”
  • Intertwine you, your spouse, and God in your marriage relationship. Ecclesiastes 4:12 says, “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broke.”

QUESTIONS

Q: What are some ways you can “stay alert” for the devil’s attacks?

Q: How can you help and encourage seeking God in your marriage?

CALL TO ACTION

Pick one of the actionable items or one your answers to the questions and discuss how you implement that with your spouse.

Green Thumbs and Growing Hearts

I was in a store with my wife recently and saw a sign for sale that was titled “Garden Rules”. Each of these Garden Rules is applicable to our marriage relationships too. Our relationships are much like plants that need sunlight, rain, nutrients, and pruning to grow just like our marriage relationship. That relationship requires intentional actions by both spouses.

Garden Rules sign seen in a gift shop.

– The soil of plants or comparably the environment of relationships must have nutrients and food to sustain growth. The roots must be healthy for a plant to thrive or a relationship to grow. Healthy roots are both deep and are intertwined.

– The type of seeds you plant in your relationship will determine what the relationship becomes. If you plant seeds of faith, hope, love, forgives, and selflessness the relationship will be very different from a relationship with seeds of selfishness, pride, and ego.

– Whether you hope for it or not, there will be rain (otherwise known as adversity) in your relationship. Rain doesn’t have to define your relationship but it will test your resolve and commitment.

– Weeds or unhealthy habits can develop so pulling weeds is definitely required. Unhealthy relational habits includes selfishness, trying to be understood before you try to understand, not communicating clearly, among many other good habits.

– Playing in the dirt is a synonym for keeping fun and playfulness in your relationship. Playfulness can be simply mean having a weekly date night, writing love letters occasionally or planning a short fun, trip together.

– Feed the birds is learning about yourself and your spouse. Feed your mind to grow in understanding about each other and how we react, what we want, and what our hopes and fears are.

– Welcoming butterflies is about caring for your spiritual needs each day. Prayer, meditation, reading the Bible, and being still and listening to God’s voice and looking for His hand is like welcoming the butterflies in your back yard with plants they like.

– Bees are symbolic of developing a sweetness in your relationship, much like the honey bees produce. That sweetness is needed every day in small ways. It is about thinking about your spouse and doing things that they like and appreciate.

– We really need to live in the moment and take time to enjoy the view. Some people call this mindfulness, but whatever you want to call it, “be present in the moment” and don’t worry about tomorrow or rehash the past repeatedly.

QUESTIONS

Q: How is your marriage relationship garden on a scale of 1 to 10 with respect to each Garden Rule above?

Q: Which of the above garden rules could help your marriage?

CALL TO ACTION

Focus on one of the garden rules this week and work to cultivate a stronger marriage relationship.

Go fan that fire!

Love Languages

What makes your spouse feel loved? And what makes you feel loved? Those are two very important questions we need to all be continuously learning, exploring, and expressing in our marriage.

One of the best books about what makes us feel loved is by Gary Chapman. It is simply called, “The Five Love Languages”. I read it several years ago, have re-read it a few times, and it is just as relevant and helpful today.

The five primary love languages Gary identifies are:

  • Words of affirmation
  • Quality time
  • Receiving gifts
  • Acts of service
  • Physical touch

Words of affirmation are simply words that encourage, are kind or express forgiveness.

Quality time is time together with focus on each other or just good communications with clear messages and understanding each other.

Receiving gifts is also straight forward. The gift should be something the person receiving likes and not necessarily something you like. Take time and think about what gift would mean a lot or would make them happy. Sometimes it can even be the gift of self. Being there when your spouse needs you speaks loudly.

Acts of service require thoughtfulness, effort, energy and time which is what makes the impact on their heart. It means doing something you know your spouse would like you to do without being asked to do it.

Physical touch can be anything from hand holding, to a back rub, to sexual intimacy.

QUESTIONS

Q: What is your spouses primary two or three love languages?

Q: How do you know and are you sure?

Q: What are your primary love languages?

CALL TO ACTION

Talk together about what makes you feel loved using this blog info, or even better, you and your spouse take the self test attached (click on the link below) and talk about it.

Go Fan that Fire!

LOVE LANGUAGE SELF TEST

Here is a link to a self test to download to help you better identify you and your spouses love languages: https://nbcgutah.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/5.LoveLanguageTest.pdf

The Love Tree

It seems appropriate to discuss the love tree on the week of Valentine’s day. I had the pleasure of visiting St. Augustine, Florida. While I and my bride were there we enjoyed some great food at area restaurants, chilled on the beach and went on a carriage ride with a great tour guide. During our carriage ride we learned about the love tree that grows in St. Augustine. The guide told us there were only seven of these trees in St. Augustine.

From a plant perspective, the seed of a palm tree falls into a crack or hole in a crooked oak tree. It is damp enough in St. Augustine for the palm tree to soak up moisture from the oak tree’s bark, sprouts, and grow. The palm tree eventually sends down shallow roots that don’t interfere with the deep roots of the oak, leaving two different trees growing in the same space.

I prefer the local legend that one person planted the oak and the other the palm tree. They fell in love, and as their love grew the trees fused into one.

A Love Tree we saw on our trip.

The love tree is a great image that makes me think about marriage and the two people in love becoming one. I think that only truly happens over time with God’s help. Like the trees, we are two different people living in the same space, called home. Some factors on oneness to consider include:

  • Prayer
  • Invest Time Together
  • Spending Time Apart
  • Good Communications
  • Affection

QUESTIONS

Q: Do you pray for and with your spouse?

Q: When was the last time just you and your spouse did something fun together you both enjoy?

Q: Do you have girl friends for wives or guy friends for husbands with similar values that you spend time with?

Q: Do you communicate clearly and regularly? Are you an active listener?

Q: When was the last time you held hands or hugged your spouse, “just because you love them”?

A CALL TO ACTION

Reflect on the five oneness factors mentioned and pick one to address. Do something you have not been doing to nurture your growth as husband and wife. Go fan that fire!

Fire & Concrete

A fire needs three things to burn; heat, fuel and oxygen. Take any of those three away and the fire goes out. You can say that is written in concrete; hard true facts. To start and continue fanning the flame of love in marriage is similar in actions that are essential.

Have you ever seen something written in the concrete on a sidewalk? It usually involves children and sometimes a little mischief. How can you permanently write on the heart to strengthen the relationship with the one you love?

A message of young love written in stone.

There is something about putting words in concrete, especially a heart. Words written in concrete at least visually represent something lasting. There are some things I believe should be written in concrete as far as a lasting loving marriage relationship. Some of those keys are commitment, respect, forgiveness, selfless attitude, and unconditional love most importantly.

A heart I saw in Arizona while visiting my daughter and her family.

MESSAGES WRITTEN IN CONCRETE

  • Commitment
  • Respect
  • Forgiveness
  • Selflessness
  • Unconditional love

QUESTIONS

What messages are you writing on the heart of your spouse?

Reflect on your actions in your relationship this last week. Are the messages you wrote with your words and actions reflecting the five key areas above?

Does silence write a message on your spouse’s heart? If so, what messages could it be from their perspective?

A CALL TO ACTION

Focus on one of the 5 areas above and write on the heart of your spouse through your actions this week. Go fan that fire!