Tag: Selfless

Green Thumbs and Growing Hearts

I was in a store with my wife recently and saw a sign for sale that was titled “Garden Rules”. Each of these Garden Rules is applicable to our marriage relationships too. Our relationships are much like plants that need sunlight, rain, nutrients, and pruning to grow just like our marriage relationship. That relationship requires intentional actions by both spouses.

Garden Rules sign seen in a gift shop.

– The soil of plants or comparably the environment of relationships must have nutrients and food to sustain growth. The roots must be healthy for a plant to thrive or a relationship to grow. Healthy roots are both deep and are intertwined.

– The type of seeds you plant in your relationship will determine what the relationship becomes. If you plant seeds of faith, hope, love, forgives, and selflessness the relationship will be very different from a relationship with seeds of selfishness, pride, and ego.

– Whether you hope for it or not, there will be rain (otherwise known as adversity) in your relationship. Rain doesn’t have to define your relationship but it will test your resolve and commitment.

– Weeds or unhealthy habits can develop so pulling weeds is definitely required. Unhealthy relational habits includes selfishness, trying to be understood before you try to understand, not communicating clearly, among many other good habits.

– Playing in the dirt is a synonym for keeping fun and playfulness in your relationship. Playfulness can be simply mean having a weekly date night, writing love letters occasionally or planning a short fun, trip together.

– Feed the birds is learning about yourself and your spouse. Feed your mind to grow in understanding about each other and how we react, what we want, and what our hopes and fears are.

– Welcoming butterflies is about caring for your spiritual needs each day. Prayer, meditation, reading the Bible, and being still and listening to God’s voice and looking for His hand is like welcoming the butterflies in your back yard with plants they like.

– Bees are symbolic of developing a sweetness in your relationship, much like the honey bees produce. That sweetness is needed every day in small ways. It is about thinking about your spouse and doing things that they like and appreciate.

– We really need to live in the moment and take time to enjoy the view. Some people call this mindfulness, but whatever you want to call it, “be present in the moment” and don’t worry about tomorrow or rehash the past repeatedly.

QUESTIONS

Q: How is your marriage relationship garden on a scale of 1 to 10 with respect to each Garden Rule above?

Q: Which of the above garden rules could help your marriage?

CALL TO ACTION

Focus on one of the garden rules this week and work to cultivate a stronger marriage relationship.

Go fan that fire!

Love Languages

What makes your spouse feel loved? And what makes you feel loved? Those are two very important questions we need to all be continuously learning, exploring, and expressing in our marriage.

One of the best books about what makes us feel loved is by Gary Chapman. It is simply called, “The Five Love Languages”. I read it several years ago, have re-read it a few times, and it is just as relevant and helpful today.

The five primary love languages Gary identifies are:

  • Words of affirmation
  • Quality time
  • Receiving gifts
  • Acts of service
  • Physical touch

Words of affirmation are simply words that encourage, are kind or express forgiveness.

Quality time is time together with focus on each other or just good communications with clear messages and understanding each other.

Receiving gifts is also straight forward. The gift should be something the person receiving likes and not necessarily something you like. Take time and think about what gift would mean a lot or would make them happy. Sometimes it can even be the gift of self. Being there when your spouse needs you speaks loudly.

Acts of service require thoughtfulness, effort, energy and time which is what makes the impact on their heart. It means doing something you know your spouse would like you to do without being asked to do it.

Physical touch can be anything from hand holding, to a back rub, to sexual intimacy.

QUESTIONS

Q: What is your spouses primary two or three love languages?

Q: How do you know and are you sure?

Q: What are your primary love languages?

CALL TO ACTION

Talk together about what makes you feel loved using this blog info, or even better, you and your spouse take the self test attached (click on the link below) and talk about it.

Go Fan that Fire!

LOVE LANGUAGE SELF TEST

Here is a link to a self test to download to help you better identify you and your spouses love languages: https://nbcgutah.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/5.LoveLanguageTest.pdf

Not so Great Expectations

You let someone in front of you in traffic, give a gift to someone special, buy or prepare a meal for someone, send a note or a card, or one of many other actions. Do you expect anything in return? A wave, a thank you, a gift or action in return. Most of us do, which unintentionally changes the dynamics and the very nature of our actions.

When you hear the words unconditional love, what comes to mind? How easy is it to give unconditional love? What is the root of unconditional love?

The word “condition” is described by the dictionary as, “a restricting or modifying factor”. Restricting and love don’t seem to fit together. But it is our nature to be focused on self and to expect reciprocation when we do something for someone else. That expectation changes the power of the action and how it affects everyone.

My grandmother Lucille “shorty” Rivers on the left and two of her sisters, Nell and Lorena. These were some fun, amazing people in my life I learned many lessons about unconditional love from.

I propose to you that unconditional love is the highest level of love. It is given without any restrictions, no conditions, no expectations. That is love in its purest form, giving, selfless, sacrificial.

There was a person who demonstrated unconditional love. He did for others and while expecting nothing in return. He loved others to the point of even laying his life down without any expectations, only hoping that the love would be received. His name was Jesus Christ.

When a husband and wife love each other unconditionally it is this pure love that yields an amazing, lasting marriage.

That is what the fifth chapter of Ephesians was describing as a mystery in verse 32.

While being intentional to love through our words and actions without any expectations is a challenge. The rewards are extraordinary, and the strong relationships are the best of those rewards.

QUESTIONS

Q: How can you focus on the action and your intention not how the person responds?

Q: Why do you allow the response or a lack of an expected response determine how you feel about your actions? We all need some form of validation, but what other ways, even the cross, can provide that?

CALL TO ACTION

Express pure love to your spouse by doing something nice for them this week at least once. Mentally and emotionally expect nothing in return knowing you have expressed love in its purest form with no strings attached.

This principle works with relationships in general, try and see. I must warn you that loving unconditionally is possible but challenging with our selfish nature. Go fan that fire!

Fire & Concrete

A fire needs three things to burn; heat, fuel and oxygen. Take any of those three away and the fire goes out. You can say that is written in concrete; hard true facts. To start and continue fanning the flame of love in marriage is similar in actions that are essential.

Have you ever seen something written in the concrete on a sidewalk? It usually involves children and sometimes a little mischief. How can you permanently write on the heart to strengthen the relationship with the one you love?

A message of young love written in stone.

There is something about putting words in concrete, especially a heart. Words written in concrete at least visually represent something lasting. There are some things I believe should be written in concrete as far as a lasting loving marriage relationship. Some of those keys are commitment, respect, forgiveness, selfless attitude, and unconditional love most importantly.

A heart I saw in Arizona while visiting my daughter and her family.

MESSAGES WRITTEN IN CONCRETE

  • Commitment
  • Respect
  • Forgiveness
  • Selflessness
  • Unconditional love

QUESTIONS

What messages are you writing on the heart of your spouse?

Reflect on your actions in your relationship this last week. Are the messages you wrote with your words and actions reflecting the five key areas above?

Does silence write a message on your spouse’s heart? If so, what messages could it be from their perspective?

A CALL TO ACTION

Focus on one of the 5 areas above and write on the heart of your spouse through your actions this week. Go fan that fire!